MIDWEEK MESSAGE

He Said/She Said

Personal relationships can be challenging, whether they are work-related, family-related, or socially related. Part of the challenge is communication. So often, what someone says and what we hear are completely different.

Remember the old telephone game where someone whispered something in someone’s ear, and they repeated it to the next person and so on down the line? Then, the last person said what they heard; inevitably, it was nothing like what was said originally.

Years ago, I had two friends who had problems in their relationship. Since I was friends with both of them, they would each tell me what they were upset about. Usually, it did not even sound like the same story.  It wasn’t that they were on a different page—they were in a different book! 

What we hear is often clouded by our past relationships, how we feel about ourselves at any given time, and past experiences with that particular person or someone who reminds us of that person.  We take what we hear and “translate” it, and often, our translations are completely off base.

I once read that every story has three sides—theirs, yours, and the right one. Imagine how different our relationships (and the world) would be if we just listened to what someone was saying without judging or defending our position or making it (whatever it is) about us.

Listening is a skill—one we need to practice to become good listeners. Without doing that, we can never have the strong, lasting, deep relationships we all hope for ourselves. When we listen with our ears and full attention, we can develop the kind, caring, trusting, deep relationships we crave.  When we become good listeners, we will discover that others listen more fully to us.

Quote of the Week

“Nature gave us one tongue and two ears so we could hear twice as much as we speak.”

Epictetus

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